Canceled Action Figure Cavalcade: Earthworm Jim

I was a big fan of Earthworm Jim. I played the video games, watched the short-lived animated series, and for awhile there I even co-opted "Groovy" as my catchphrase. And I had nearly everything released in the Earthworm Jim toyline produced by Playmates Toys. All I was missing were the Jim variants. Considering my short attention span then (and now) it was rare for me to have that much from a single line. I question if I would have been able to keep up had Playmates released the second series of Earthworm Jim toys. I just wish I had gotten the chance to try.

One of the figures Playmates planned to make was Queen Pulsating, Bloated, Festering, Sweaty, Puss Filled, Malformed, Slug-for-a-Butt. There was a time when I could recite her entire name from memory. That time has long since passed but I still want the Queen's action figure. I'm guessing she would have been way underscaled compared to the rest of the line but I wouldn't have minded one bit.


Equally as desirable of a figure as the Queen is Professor Monkey-For-A-Head. The Professor looks like he would have used as much plastic for two figures. It looks amazing and I want one now.

Rounding out the new characters is The Hamstinator, a character created for the animated series. I think if there had to be a character from the series I would have preferred Evil Jim. And if they had to include a hamster I would have preferred a giant hamster vehicle for Jim to ride on like in the video game level "Tube Race".


Of course the second series was going to include Jim variants. They're not bad but I like these less than the variants that were released, so I probably wouldn't have bought these either. This Jim is in samurai armor, which looks like it could be slightly mecha influenced. It'd be cool if those were removable katanna on his back.


This Jim looks like a repaint of the main Jim from the first series with a new torso wearing a harness. Perhaps it's meant to be a bungee jumping Jim inspired by the "Snot A Problem" level from the first game?


The Crazed Cycle would have been the second vehicle in the line. While I loved Playmate's Pocket Rocket, (Please don't take that quote out of context) it wasn't accurate to the Pocket Rocket as it was seen in the game or the cartoon. The Crazed Cycle on the other hand comes straight from the toon and looks spot on. Even though I generally prefer the video game based stuff, I quite like the Cycle. It's a motorcycle that shoots eyeballs. I'd have to be pretty joyless not to appreciate that.